Now that Graham and I are wily veterans of the sales world (having pounded the pavement for five solid days now), we’d like to share our expertise with you, dear reader, in quiz form:
1. How should you dress when making sales calls?
a. Consider your potential buyers’ level of formality and dress accordingly
b. Consider the least wrinkled items in your hamper
c. “For success”
d. “Used-car-salesman” chic
2. What is the first thing you should do when entering a store?
a. Smile and make eye contact with the manager
b. Browse through the merchandise to see if yours would be a good fit
c. Note exit locations in case of fire
d. Note exit locations in case of humiliating rejection
3. How should you present your merchandise to a potential buyer?
a. Via a well-organized package including product photos, line sheets, contact info, and order forms
b. By acting shifty and holding open one side of your trench coat
c. Through a long-winded, one-sided sales pitch
d. By setting up a display on his or her desk after arm-sweeping all desktop items onto the floor
4. When asked a technical question about your product, you should
a. Be prepared to answer it accurately and succinctly
b. Refer to your company’s specialized handbook, page 315
c. Stare blankly
d. Fake a tracheal blockage and flee the store
5. If a potential buyer says, “No, thank you,” you should
a. Not take it personally; your product is simply not a good fit for his or her store
b. Weep until you’re asked to leave
c. Ask “why?” Repeat ad nauseum.
d. Check back daily until the restraining order is officially filed
6. When the meeting is over, a good thing to do is
a. Thank the buyer for his or her time
b. Mark the building’s exterior with a spray-painted “X” so you know you’ve already stopped there
c. Squeal your tires as you drive off
d. Follow up a few days later with an elaborate gift, such as a flat screen TV (don’t forget to file off the serial number)
We are purposely being elusive with the answers to this quiz so that you can reflect and ponder the kind of impression that “odd guy art” left with its customers. Good luck to you in all your sales!