Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What is your emergency?
Caller: Uh, I just can’t believe this.
Dispatcher: How can I help you, sir?
Caller: It’s completely crazy. How can they do this?!
Dispatcher: Sir, try to calm down. Let’s take this one step at a time.
Caller: But it’s mad! They can’t be serious.
Dispatcher: Take a deep breath, sir. Who are “they?”
Caller: It’s those two, you know, at “odd guy art.”
Dispatcher: You mean those witty, artsy, T-shirt people?
Caller: Yes! Oh my god. I can’t breathe.
Dispatcher: Ok, sir, slowly: Are they threatening you? With stylish shirts?
Caller: No, no, it’s… it’s much worse than that.
Dispatcher: Then what? What are they doing to you, sir?
Caller: Fff…fff… free shipping! They’re offering me FREE SHIPPING! On EVERYTHING!
Dispatcher: Sir, I need you to step away from your computer.
Caller: Ahhhhh! Ok, I’ve let go of the mouse. Are you sending an officer?!
Dispatcher: Heck no! I’ve got to get to oddguyart.com before their stock runs out!
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